You know the type. They are on four different dating apps. They check them obsessively. Every new match feels like possibility, but within days, the anxiety builds. They need reassurance, frequent texting, clear signals of interest. They fall hard and fast. They are likely anxiously attached, and they are running their own love life into the ground.
Then there is the person who comes alive on a dating app for a few weeks, matches with someone interesting, and then ghosts the moment things start to feel real. They might reappear months later, apologise, match again, and repeat the pattern. They are probably avoidantly attached, and they are caught in a cycle they do not know how to break.
These are not personality types. They are attachment styles, and they predictably shape how you approach dating. A 2025 study by Taylor and Francis examined the relationship between anxious attachment and dating app engagement. The findings were clear: anxiously attached people use dating apps significantly more frequently than their peers. They also report higher levels of anxiety around matches, more frequent checking behaviours, and lower overall wellbeing outcomes.
The Attachment Project conducted a remarkable study in 2025, tracking 44,435 dating app users over six months. The data was startling in its consistency. Anxiously attached people swiped more, matched more, and felt worse. They experienced the app as a source of validation seeking, a constant search for reassurance through matches. They were also significantly more likely to become emotionally invested in matches that others would have moved past.
Avoidant attachment showed the opposite pattern. These users engaged with the app sporadically but intensely. They were the most likely to ghost, the most likely to withdraw when a match started asking for vulnerability, the most likely to reactivate their profile after a failed connection. ResearchGate research from 2025 found that avoidant attachment was the strongest predictor of ghosting behaviour, significantly stronger than other variables like age or gender.
Secure attachment, meanwhile, shows a different pattern entirely. Securely attached people tend to use dating apps more casually. They are more likely to have longer conversations before meeting. They are less likely to ghost, but also less likely to become obsessed with unresponsive matches. Their wellbeing does not spike and plummet with every match.
The problem is that dating apps amplify insecure attachment patterns. An anxiously attached person can now feed their anxiety 24/7. An avoidantly attached person can disappear and reappear as their anxiety dictates. The app does not create these patterns, but it creates the perfect environment for them to flourish.
If you recognise yourself in the anxious pattern, the goal is not to use dating apps less, but to develop a different relationship with them. Treat them as one source of connection among many, not your primary source. If you are avoidant, recognise that ghosting is not protective. It is a pattern that will repeat until you build tolerance for the discomfort that comes with genuine connection.
Your attachment style is not destiny. But it is powerful. Understanding yours is the first step to not letting it run your love life on autopilot.
This article is part of our guide to intentional dating.
Sources: Taylor & Francis (2025). Attachment Project (2025). ResearchGate (2025).